Honestly, Sweetheart, They Did a Study on it. I Swear!
Date Added: Nov. 15, 2003
Partly because the author takes great steps to mimic authenticity, and mostly because many people just don't pay attention to what they read, jokes like this one are often too clever for their own good. The story behind this one proves how e-mail chain letters, though offered in good fun, can - and do - cause very big problems.
(BW) -- Women who perform the act of fellatio on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a recent study found.
Doctors had never suspected a link between the act of fellatio and breast cancer, but new research being performed is starting to suggest that there could be an important link between the two.
In a study of over 15,000 women suspected of having performed regular fellatio over the past ten years, the researchers found that those actually having performed the act regularly, one to two times a week, had a lower occurance of breast cancer than those who had not. There was no increased risk, however, for those who did not regularly perform.
"I think it removes the last shade of doubt that fellatio is actually a healthy act," said Dr. B.J. Sooner of the Hopkins School of Medicine, who was not involved in the research. "I am surprised by these findings, but am also excited that the researchers may have discovered a relatively easy way to lower the occurance of breast cancer in women."
The University researchers stressed that, though breast cancer is relatively uncommon, any steps taken to reduce the risk would be a wise decision.
"Only with regular performance will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Inserta Shafteer, one of the researchers. "Since the emergence of the research, I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."
The study is reported in Friday's Journal of Medical Research.
In 1991, 43,582 women died of breast cancer, as reported by the National Cancer Institute.
Dr. Len Lictepeen, deputy chief medical officer for the American Cancer Group, said women should not overlook or "play down" these findings.
"This will hopefully change women's practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases," Lictepeen said.
Sooner said the research shows no increase in the risk of breast cancer in those who are, for whatever reason, not able to fellate regularly.
"There's definitely fertile ground for more research. Many have stepped forward to volunteer for related research now in the planning stages," he said.
Almost every woman is, at some point, going to perform the act of fellatio, but it is the frequency at which this event occurs that makes the difference, say researchers.
The reasearch consisted of two groups, 6,246 women ages 25 to 45 who had performed fellatio on a regular basis over the past five to ten years, and 9,728 women who had not. The group of women who had performed fellatio had a breast cancer rate of 1.9 percent and the group who had not had a breast cancer rate of 10.4 percent.
"The findings do suggest that there are other causes for breast cancer besides the absence of regular fellatio," Shafteer said. "It's a cause, not THE cause."
In case the cleverly crafted names in the article do not make it obvious enough, this "report" is pure fiction. Early versions of this story were cleverly crafted to resemble an authentic CNN news story with ties to the Associated press and authentic graphics from and links to the CNN web site. It was created by North Carolina State University Junior Brandon Williamson and first hit the web in October, 2003. It was crafted as a bit of creative humor, intended only for a few of Williamson's friends. But, as often is the case with 'private' jokes, his work quickly became public, eventually landing him in a lot of hot water.
By popular demand, he made his parody available using web space NCSU provides its students and, in no time at all, it was getting a million hits a day. Within a couple of days, the Associated Press threatened a trademark infringement suit against the school if they did not remove the page. Williamson responded quickly by removing any references to AP. To be safe, he also altered the CNN logo to be 'similar but different,' thinking that move would ward off future attacks. He was wrong.
Within a few more days, CNN was claiming intellectual property rights infringements. To appease the media giant, Williamson reverted to a "text-only version."
Finally, the school decided to deal its blow, informing Williamson that school officials felt the remaining language connecting the study to the school was defamatory and tarnished the institution's reputation. He responded by removing any NCSU references from the article and adding a disclaimer. The text above is from this 'final' version.
"What once made people laugh and chuckle, and even possibly made their day a little better, has now been kicked and prodded and threatened until there is nothing left but the bare bones," Williamson said of his stripped-down work. "I have given and given up on my creativity to appease those with complaints with only a feeling of silent anger towards the bully in the wake. 'Intellectual property rights'... 'Copyright infringement'... The article was parody. From the start the article was a parody and the only intention was to make people laugh. I'm only sorry you all didn't realize as such."
Break this chain by sending folks to Williamson's web site rather than forwarding the many less-legal versions.
References: Williamson's Explanation, Snopes.com